Last night I dreamt I could fly

Dear brother, I'd like to share with you a dream I had last night:

I was at home and as always in this kind of dreams our step-father and little brother were part of my everyday life... I now know why but that is a different story.

Suddenly, you showed up out of nowhere. I remember you arrived all dressed up, very elegant, wearing only black, with dark sunglasses and your black hair almost touching your shoulders.

I was quite shocked to see you there, specially because I knew you were in Madrid, but as soon as you arrived, all you did was ask:

- What are THEY doing here? In that moment you began to analyzed the situation and believed this could be a good way to process the difficult relationship with them... and you kept asking:

- What is our brother Paco doing here?

- Why you didn't invite me? (You started taking a more intense attitude towards me)

- Come on bro, What did you do to have such a good relationship with them?

- How do I heal my memories with them?

- When would be the time to come out of this situation?

There were so many questions that I started to get a bit inpatient, until I turn around and say:

- Come with me! I want to show you something.

I took your hand and we approached the big window in the living room and you began with your questions again:

- Where are we going?

- What's going on?

- What? ... Are you crazy?

- Are we going to JUMP out of the window? (It was a very tall building and I live on the top floor)

Me, with all the calm rose my arms up to the sky and Zoooom! Flying time!

You couldn't believe your eyes, completely shocked started your questioning again:

- Wow brother... I didn't know you could fly, would you show me how?

- How you do it?

- This is amazing, imagine if we put this on TV, we could become millionaires.

- This could definitely put an end to all my miseries.

By that time we were approaching a really big and beautiful house, full of windows from floor to celling with see-through white curtains that allows you to see everything that is going on inside. It was decorated to the highest standards and fantastic taste, full of pieces of art... and you noticed that All that looked somehow familiar to you but you paid not too much attention to that fact.

Is in this moment, when we saw three beautiful little kids. They looked like Beings of light full of love. They were just playing and laughing when we suddenly saw a woman who was looking at the children from a safe distance not to disturb them.

What a beautiful woman, she looked like a model; absolutely gorgeous. She was looking at her children play but didn't want to interrupt that perfect scene and with her eyes filled with happy tears she only observed and loved seeing those kids growing up in front of her own eyes.

With your eyes and mouth wide open, you turn to me and ask:

- Who lives here?

And I answer:

- YOU DO, You live here!

- What??? You shouted at me. You couldn't believe your eyes and your jaw dropped. You could swear I have gone completely mad this time but still you continued asking:

- What did you smoked?

- Are you crazy?

Your questions were so many that they get lost in time and space, is here when we saw an impresive tall man (or at least that was the impression given) Again, full of light who was coming down the stairs. We could swear light was coming out of him, dressed in White from head to toes.

You could hardly stay in one piece with the shocked, when this man approaches one of the windows and open the curtains only to see that this man is YOURSELF!

You turn around and looked at me completely incredulous of the situation and then turn back to him. You need to know how he did it? What was his secret? How did he manage to have such a wonderful life? And you continued with your endless questioning, so many so quick that your tongue couldn't keep up with your thoughts, but "Eduardo the White" didn't react to the questioning whatsoever. He just looked at you with loving kindness but you kept insisting and insisting with your questions. Until you got really crossed and told me:

- What's wrong with this guy?

- Why he's not talking to me?

- Who he think he is? Not because he's rich he has the right to treat people like this. This is terrible, I wouldn't be like this when I'm rich. Dam! - You said.

"Eduardo the White" only looked at you with such tender eyes, as if he were looking at an adorable little puppy playing in the mud right outside your house; You'd love to invite him in and form part of your home but you also know that he'll make a mess, and dirt and mud would be all over the place... even with regular baths and training the little puppy loves to play in the mud and you respect the little puppy's right to play in the mud. So you just see it from a distance.

You, "Eduardo the Black" can't tolerate any longer his attitude and don't want to spend one more second in that house and you asked to leave.

I said goodbye with a look to "Eduardo the White" and he only nodded back in acknowledgment without saying a word.

In no time, I took your arm, raised them up to air and Zoooom !! We took up to the sky again and is here when I turned to you and said to you:

- Do you really want to know what is Eduardo the White's Secret?

And you said: - You know it? of course, I've been asking you all this time, come on tell me - WHAT IS HIS BLOODY SECRET???

And I said:

- EDUARDO BLANCO (The White) LEARNT TO LISTEN!

And I let go of your hand...

And you stop questioning...

And I learnt to LISTEN

And I learnt to FLY !!!

Thank you bro,

xXx

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Acknowledgments:

I want to express my immense gratitude and love to my brother Alejandro for having inspired this and many stories of encouragement and brotherly love.

To Paco for being the best younger brother I could ever asked for.

To my mother for providing the space where three little brothers can become One.

To my step-father for giving me the tools to love myself through his rejection and pain.

To God for I am who you are looking back.

THANK YOU

xXx

HIV, To test or Not to test... That is the Question

I believe now, that the testing part is the most difficult one. Is in fact where everything began for me and the most difficult part of all. In my case, testing was what kept me attached to the fear of being sick.

At this point in life, I’m still not sure of anything and every day has become a new opportunity to remember a bit more of who I Am.
It hasn’t been easy to get rid off all the fear and insecurity about this whole HIV thing. I wish I had never gone through this but now that I’m in the game my only desire is to learn enough about My self and the purpose of my life.

I could say that the most difficult part has been not belonging to any basket and the feeling of loneliness and uncertainty in this journey called life when I don’t agree with the rest, but it also has given me the great satisfaction of knowing that I’m willing to discover whatever this HIV business is all about. I’m only certain of one thing, the desire to brake free, free from all the collective fear and guilt; the tears and desperation; the sickness and unconscienceness of this world.

Of course I believe in sickness and in health, illness and recovery, doctors and medicines. However, I also believe that all that happens in One life is being attracted by One self and whatever is being attracted becomes an opportunity to grow and evolve as humans and souls.

I have people saying to me, how stupid and immature I am for denying the HIV=AIDS=DEATH (without retro-viral treatment) dogma and I want to clarify that I don’t deny anything but accept nothing either, specially when having so much contradictory information everywhere, having doctors and scientists from all over the world not being able to agree with each other, when everybody holds to their own Truth as if there’s nothing else.

So, when there’s SO MANY people and information disagreeing with each other, who would you listen, who would you trust with your life, Who?... but Your-Self.

I can say that in my process, I’m learning to LISTEN more than anything else. Listen to my body when it says: I’m healthy and more important, I can heal myself when needed; When my mind says: I’m free and more important I can free myself from all chains, wantings and madness; When my soul says: I am perfect, I am God, for I’ve been created to love and there’s nothing else I should worry about, for everything else is simply temporary. Time and space are a creation of Mind and with it, one day all will disappear and I will remember that the eternal Oneness of God will be all that it is, has been and will be...

NO, I DON’T TEST FOR HIV- CD4, For in my mind testing (doubting) is validating and I can NOT validate the idea that I’m not in control of own body. Many have broke free and healed themselves and not only from two-faced viruses like HIV but from cancer and many more devastating circumstances and that shows me that is possible. A possibility I’m willing and eager to try out.

The most difficult part is to believe and I DO... so the rest must be much easier.

And You... what do you believe?

Visit my blog:

http://www.EdBs-HIV-Chronicles.com

Thank You
All we need is Love
xXx